Quixotic
by Zombie Pants
Summary: If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve. RogueCentric Fiction. Full Summary Inside.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…**

**Summary: After the defeat of Apocalypse, Rogue leaves the mansion for personal reasons and embarks on a quest of self-enlightenment. Three years later, she has found her true self and is now back in New York, hoping to make amends with her former teammates. Will they accept her back after she left with no word? And what new trials of the mind, soul, and heat await the young woman in her old home town…**

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**Quixotic**

**-Prologue-**

**Z.P.**

The difference between the air-conditioned terminal and the humid, blistering heat of the midday parking area was staggering. Her arm flew up to her face to block out the sun's harsh rays as she stepped through the automatic doors and looked for her ride.

Her bags were heavy and she tightened her sweaty grip on the metal handle of her suitcase nervously. A cool breeze swept by; a small relief that caused her lips to quirk up in a half-smile. She was home. After three long, tiresome years, she had finally arrived back where she began.

Moving over to one of the support-pillars of the building, she set down her bags and waited in the shade, fanning her warm face with her hand. From what she could see, the airport hadn't changed at all since she boarded her flight all those years ago. The automatic doors still stuck, the sidewalk still had far too many cracks in it, and the staff was still just as rude as ever.

She tugged at her tank-top when it began to ride up. She loved the silky green top, but sometimes it drove her nuts with its tendency to creep upwards when she least expected it. Unlike the airport, she had changed…in a good way.

Her wardrobe now had more colors than just black and green, and she even owned a few pairs of blue jeans. The old, goth-cakey makeup had been thrown out for a more natural look and she had let her hair grow out to the middle of her back. Her style was now more of a personal preference instead of a harsh attempt to drive people away. She was happy with how she looked.

That was the other change. She was confident. No longer was she the bitter, insecure girl that pushed people away before they had a chance to reject her. Now she was self-assured and confident in her personality and abilities…not to say that she didn't have flaws, those were still around. She just had a new outlook on life, a more positive way of seeing her situation.

A chuckle forced its way past her lips as she thought of how shocked everyone would be if she acted any thing less than pessimistic and broody. Kurt would probably fall over, Kitty would squeal like a little girl, and Logan would yell at everyone to get ready for the next danger-room session.

The chuckle died on her lips as she thought of her…friends? Would they still even consider her one of them? Or would they consider her a traitor and a coward…

A warm voice stopped her thoughts.

"Rogue…?"

Emerald shaded eyes connected warmly with deep blue ones.

"_Bonjour de nouveau_,_ Monsieur_ McCoy."

It was good to be home.

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_Bonjour de nouveau _-- Hello (once) again

_Monsieur _-- Mister

**A/N: My French is uber rusty, so you'll have to all forgive me if it's not 100 correct dialogue. **

**Next Chapter**

**Rogue is finally reunited with her old teammates after three long years…and as tension rises, so do the tempers. What will happen? **

R&R


	2. Confrontations

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…**

**Summary: After the defeat of Apocalypse, Rogue leaves the mansion for personal reasons and embarks on a quest of self-enlightenment. Three years later, she has found her true self and is now back in New York, hoping to make amends with her former teammates. Will they accept her back after she left with no word? And what new trials of the mind, soul, and heat await the young woman in her old home town…**

* * *

**Quixotic**

**-Confrontations-**

**Z.P**

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_**Last Chapter:**_

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_A warm voice stopped her thoughts._

"_Rogue…?"_

_Emerald shaded eyes connected warmly with deep blue ones. _

"_Bonjour de nouveau, Monsieur McCoy." _

_It was good to be home._

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_**Chapter 2: Confrontations**_

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Despite the warm greetings between them, Rogue couldn't think up any topic of conversation to ease the awkward silence in the car. Hank had been one of her favorite teachers, next to Logan, and she had confided in him many times before. They had shared a special connection; with her being an outcast because of her inability to touch and him being one because of his furry blue features. But now, riding next to him in the passenger side of the corvette, her mouth dried up and the words she so desperately wanted to speak got caught in her throat. Her ungloved fingers traced abstract figures in her worn, denim jeans as they weaved smoothly through the interstate traffic. The radio played a soft tune in the background. Her fingers stopped tracing patterns and started tapping on the armrest along with the beat.

To make matters worse, they were both stealing curious glances at each other and every so often their eyes would connect and they would both look away quickly.

It was stressful, to say the least.

"So," Beast cleared his throat gently and Rogue forced her tapping hand back into her lap. "How was living in Paris? Did you meet any interesting people while you were there?"

"Ah really didn't have much time ta meet many people. Mah main concern was gettin' into school and findin' a good job…" She trailed off nervously, unsure of how to continue.

He turned his head and shot her a relieved look. "My dear, you cannot imagine how happy it makes me to hear that you did not waste your incredible mind by skipping out on your education. After you left us," emerald eyes winced slightly, but he didn't notice and continued on, "I made sure to pack away all your old books and journals because I knew that when you came back, you would appreciate their safe return."

And he was right. Those journals were once precious to her and she had always regretted leaving them behind. She secretly hoped that someone would save her things, but never dared to send a letter back and ask anyone to do so…it was just a favor she couldn't request of her teammates after she abandoned them so suddenly.

_Abandoned…_

The word echoed noisily through her guilt-ridden mind…

That cold December night, three years prior, she made a decision that would affect everyone close to her; more than she herself even realized. At the stroke of midnight she packed up all of her belongings, crept silently out of the mansion, and boarded a one way flight to France…no note or explanation left behind for her friends. The only person who knew of her departure sat in the moonlight of his office, watching with sorrowful eyes as the only student he never fully connected with ran away from her friends and home.

It was the first time since the death of his wife that Charles Xavier cried.

…_Rogue…?_

…_Rogue…_

"Rogue!" Mister McCoy's voice broke her violently from her thoughts. "Are you well my child?"

"Ah'm fine, don't worry about me." She hoped her voice sounded stronger than she felt. "Now, what were you sayin'?"

He clearly didn't believe her, but chose to ignore it for the moment.

"I was preparing to give you warning to what you will encounter when we reach our destination. You see…when left us all so abruptly without notice, it left some of the children…we shall say, less than pleased with you—"

This was the part she had been dreading. All of her unfavorable actions were going to come back full circle and kick her right in the butt.

_Traitor…_

"—that's not to say that you will not be welcomed back with open arms. Many are ecstatic to see you once again, especially young Miss Katherine. She has missed you something fierce, my dear."

"But not everyone feels the same way, Ah take it." Rogue snapped out, somewhat harsh.

"No, I'm afraid not." Beast sighed heavily and wiped a hand across his brow. "Some felt that your absence was too great for you to be allowed back with ease."

"In other words, Ah can't be an x-man anymore without runnin' the gauntlet."

"No one is asking you to run any sort of gauntlet, but Logan might request a few extra danger-room sessions with you…" Beast let out a hearty laugh at her disgruntled expression. "Yes, I know, his training sessions can be quite brutal, but he only wants to make sure you are able to take care of yourself in battle. Think of it as a sign that he cares for your safety."

She grimaced slightly.

That was true. Logan did care. And she hadn't even said 'thank you' to him before leaving.

Beast was gifted at picking up other's emotions, and it didn't take long for him to realize how guilty he was making Rogue feel, so he quickly changed the subject.

"Jamie has been working day and night preparing for your return. I believe that he has rounded up the others for a welcome home party in your honor."

"Multi-brat?" Rogue was shocked. Sure, she had spent some time with the boy when they lived together, but they were never best friends. Why would the kid go out of his way to celebrate her return?

Beast couldn't contain his chuckles at the nickname. "I wouldn't call him much of a 'brat' anymore. He's really grown up since you last saw him."

She smiled at that, but her smile quickly turned into a frown. "Why? Why is he makin' such a big deal outta me comin' home?"

After a long pause and a stop at a red light, he turned towards her; his face set in an expression of bafflement. "You truly do not know?" Her white bangs fell free of her pony tail when she shook her head 'no'. The light turned green and the car started down the road.

"It may not be my place to inform you of this…but Jamie truly adored and respected you, Rogue. As you probably remember, when he first came into his powers he was hard-pressed to control them properly."

She interrupted him, "Like that time durin the baseball game we had, and Logan tapped him on the back. Poor kid split into two dozen brats with bats!"

They both laughed at the memory.

"That is exactly what I am talking about…but back to the point." He redirected the conversation. "When he was confused and scared about his mutation, you were there for him, comforting him through his toughest times. I know that you don't realize it—" She snorted at the 'comfort' part. "—but you really did make him feel like he was a part of the team. He needed someone to watch out for him, to advise him on how to be strong. You may have accomplished that with your usual sarcasm and dry wit, but you gave him exactly what he needed."

_He does have a point…_

When she thought back on it, she guessed it could have been possible for her to have helped Jamie a tiny bit. The only instance that stood out in her memories was the night she trudged downstairs for a snack and found the thirteen year old crying in the kitchen. He was distraught because Ray and Sam wouldn't let him rollerblade with them. They had laughed and said he was too much of a weak crybaby to hang out with cooler, older kids. Rogue cured his sorrows by using her vicious tongue to insult the older boys until Jamie was smiling once again. Then, she went on to assure him that he would one day gain control of his powers and could use them to beat up anyone who bullied him…even when she wasn't sure about ever gaining control of her own, unstable mutation…

Quickly exiting that line of thought—it was a tad depressing thinking about her severe past depression—she glanced out the window. Outside the car, the scenery had changed from the fast paced streets of the city to the quaint outskirts of Bayville.

Rogue noted the change and started to internally panic. No matter how much time she had previously spent preparing herself for the confrontation with her old teammates, the reality of the situation was a crushing pressure on her heart. How could she word her apology to sound as sincere as she felt? Would anyone even accept what she said? The air in the car seemed less plentiful and a faint voice in the back of her mind warned her about hyperventilation.

"There is one thing I must tell you before we arrive at our destination." Hank's gentle voice was a lifesaver, rescuing her from a panic attack. "There have been…some new additions to the team. I am sure you remember the young mister Piotr Rasputin—"

Rogue cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.

"—Oh, well, maybe you don't recognize his real name. The name he went by when you two crossed each other's paths was Colossus."

"You mean metal-head…the big Russian that followed Mag's around?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not all of the x-men were willing to accept her back, but they were willing to house one of the people who worked for their mortal enemy?

Hank nodded. "Yes, he was once a follower of Magneto, but not by choice. Piotr's homeland was extremely dangerous because of a civil war, and his family's village was right in the middle of the fighting, putting them in mortal peril on a daily basis. Magneto promised to protect them all if Piotr vowed complete loyalty to him and agreed to fight. The young man could not refuse the chance to protect his loved ones, and immediately joined the Acolytes. Of course, once Charles heard of that atrocity, he quickly removed Piotr's family from the war zone. With no reason to fight for Magneto any more, he realized that his beliefs lay with our cause…"

Rogue scowled severely. "And here Ah thought my hatred for ol' bucket head couldn't grow any deeper….Forcin' an innocent person into servitude…disgustin'."

"I must agree with you on that one." Hank said, steering the car onto an off-road. "But along with him, we also gained another student. We were all very shocked when she just showed up one day out of the blue. Her name is Aina Logan, or better known to everyone else, X-23."

"Yah can't be serious!" Rogue gasped aloud and turned in her seat. "She almost killed us all and was even closer to finishing off Logan!"

"That is true," he agreed, "But she is not the same girl you remember. It took countless hours of therapy with Charles, and much patience from the students, but she was cured of her anger problems…" Rogue seriously doubted the psycho-girl with metal claws could ever be 'cured,' but didn't speak her thoughts as he continued on. "The biggest breakthrough came when she announced she was going to change her name to celebrate the end of her grudges…"

Rogue could almost taste the acrid bitterness of bile rising to her mouth. "So Logan let her take his name then…" An emotion she refused to name made her throat close and tears rise.

Her former teacher wisely chose to not answer that question.

Their conversation died off and they lapsed into an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the drive.

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_**The Xavier School for the Gifted:**_

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Scott Summers was mad…no…he was practically aflame with rage. His lips were set in a scowl as he pushed his way through the people gathered around the entrance door. Some of the students voiced their displeasure at being pushed around, but hastily backed down when he turned and snarled at them like a rabid beast.

Stomping to the front, he spun on heel to address his displeasure to the group.

"Why aren't you all in the danger room!" Spit flew from his mouth as he barked at them. "Everyone here knows that I specifically scheduled a double training session today, but not a single person showed up! Do you think I was joking? That this is a game?" He glared at the crowd as they cowered away from him. "Get in your uniforms, right now! That's an order…"

No one moved.

No one breathed.

"Scott…" Jamie Madrox made his way through the frozen students. "You know that _she's _coming back today…that's why we're all here…to welcome _her_ back. Just because you aren't happy with _her_ return doesn't mean the rest of us can't celebrate it." He finished by shooting a defiant glare at the older man.

A few kids gasped and stepped away from the multiple mutant, glancing at Scott to see how he would deal with the impertinence.

"Jamie, Jamie, Jamie." Scott's scowl turned into a jeering grin to match his mocking tone as he sauntered up to the younger mutant. His six foot two frame overshadowing the other boy's 5 foot six one. "Just because someone took pity on you a few years ago doesn't make you soul mates…I'm sorry…but you'll just have to get over your pathetic little crush sooner or later."

"Shut up!" The younger mutant turned bright red with embarrassment and seemed ready to cry. "You don't know what your talking about."

"Don't kill the messenger; I'm just out for your best interests." Scott sneered. "_She _never saw you as anything but a burden, a tiny crybaby who she pitied—"

"—Scott! Stop it!" The voice of Jean Grey stopped him from speaking any further venomous words.

Jean's red hair was like a beacon, making her progress through the crowd easy to track as she made her way from the kitchen. Scott watched in a detached manner as his girlfriend waked up and hugged the sixteen year old boy he had just been insulting to her chest, narrowing her jade eyes in his direction. Nonsensical words of comfort flowed from her ruby lips as the young boy shook silently, trying to reel in his tears. Shame like he had never felt before slowly made its way through Scott's body, eating away at the anger and leaving only remorse in its wake. He was disgusted with his own actions. Jamie was right; Scott had only scheduled the double training session to force everyone else to not celebrate _her_ return…because he couldn't be happy about it.

He stepped forward. "Jamie…I am so sorry…" The young teen refused to meet his eyes, so Scott gently lifted his chin with a finger. "It's…er…I'm…I had no right to say those things to you…they aren't true at all. Please just ignore everything I said…"

The younger boy nodded his head in acknowledgement to the apology; slightly stunned. It wasn't often that the _infallible _leader of the x-men admitted being wrong or said sorry for doing such things. Something was off. Hesitantly, everyone who had been witnessing the fight started to converse with one another again once they saw that the confrontation was over, whispering in light voices about what had transpired.

Jean wasn't going to put up with it.

"If you aren't here to personally welcome Rogue back, then leave immediately." Her voice rang out over everyone else's. When no one made a move to leave, she placed both hands on her hips and raised her voice. "Don't think I won't toss you out…by force!"

The threat of being levitated forcefully out of the foyer did the trick and everyone, except for Jean, Jamie, and Scott, left the area hastily. Jamie was stunned and disheartened that the people he had gathered for the welcoming party weren't actually there for anything but a good show…stupid kids…

Sighing heavily, Jean raised an expectant eyebrow at her boyfriend and started taping her sandal-clad foot against the hardwood floors. Scott had some explaining to do.

"Jean… I can explain…" Normally, Scott was a pretty articulate person under pressure; the quality of a good leader…but when facing down his irate lover, all the words sunk to the bottom of his stomach. "Well…it's like…you see…" All the confidence he used when fighting off foes ran screaming in the wake of her wrath, causing him to feel more like a little boy being scolded rather than a man having a disagreement.

Her foot picked up the tapping pace.

As he opened his mouth to spout out his excuses, a loud 'bamph' noise and a cloud of sulfuric smoke announced the arrival of two more mutants, saving Scott from his girlfriend…for the moment.

"Is she here yet? _Scheisse_! I knew it vas a bad idea to stop at that hot dog stand." Kurt Wagner, in his human disguise, ported rapidly throughout the room, searching every corner. "Vell? Vhere is she?"

"Kurt!" Kitty, his traveling companion, cried out, coughing on his trail smoke. "Calm down! She's not here yet, we made it on time…"

With one last port, he stopped next to her. "Oh…Ja…I guess I just got a little excited."

Jean smiled. "Don't worry, Kurt, she'll get here soon enough. It's only normal that you would be enthusiastic about your sister's return."

"Enthusiastic?" Kitty snorted. "More like spastic."

"Berserk?" Jamie added helpfully.

"Unstable…" Jean giggled back.

"If ve are discussing Kurt's mental problems, I vould like to interject some of my own comments." Piotr's deep, soothing tenor voice came from the stairwell as he walked down to the foyer.

"Hey!" Kurt put on a wounded look. "Vhy does everyone pick on the fuzzy blue guy?"

The girls and Jamie erupted into laughter while Piotr stood unblinkingly next to them, his face expressionless except for the mirth shining in his brown eyes. Kurt crossed his arms in a mock-pout but couldn't contain his own laughter and soon joined in with his own chuckles.

None of them noticed Scott stalk from the room.

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_**Outside the Mansion:**_

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The sound of female laughter tinkled gently in the breeze.

"Sounds like they're having some fun without us…" Hank said. His voice came from the back of the car where he was unloading her baggage from the trunk.

Hank had insisted that he could handle her luggage on her own, leaving Rogue to stand anxiously in front of the main steps. Taking a deep breath to calm her shaky nerves, she glanced down once again to check on her outfit. Her low-rise denim jeans were artfully torn at the knees, a thing she had once criticized others for wearing, and the bottoms flared out slightly over her shoes. Gone were the uncomfortable combat boots she had almost lived in for five years; they were replaced by a pair of comfortable black skater sneakers with green detailing. She had decided to dress comfortably to help her relax for the meeting…

Her fingers traced the leather of her black belt, wondering if she had dressed too casually…She could almost hear Kitty's voice lecturing her on dressing for the occasion and planning outfits ahead of time.

God, how she missed her fashion-oriented friend.

After she had left the x-men, Rogue had grudgingly realized how close she and Kitty's relationship had been and how much she regretted ending it. It was lonely being by her self in an empty room. The small things that had annoyed her about having a roommate were the things she ended up missing the most…the baby-like snores…having to crawl over their combined clutter…the late night talks…yelling at each other about who's turn it was to use the bathroom…

"Are you ready?" Hank appeared suddenly beside her, holding her bags in his arms.

She wanted to say no.

She wanted to run away.

She nodded her head yes.

"Alright then, my dear, follow me…"

Rogue watched as her mentor opened the enormous oak doors and strolled inside. Taking one last look around, she straightened her back, took a deep breath, and followed him into the building.

She was home…

…or so she thought…

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**_TRANSLATIONS:_**

**_Scheisse_**—mean's "shit" in German

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**A/N: for one, Rogue is NOT in love with Logan. Just so you all know. Also, I know that after 3 years, there are bound to be more than two new students, but the way I figure it, he would only _warn_ her about the students who would shock her. Piotr and X-23 would be the only two that would cause problems with her if she didn't know they were there…Oh, and I renamed X23 because I don't want to refer to her as that throughout my friggin story, and it makes for good tension between her and Rogue over the last name. **

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**Review Replies:**

_Chica De Los Ojos Cafe_—thank you for the exuberant review! these kind of reviews make me want to type more…

_sheisbeautiful-sheisnotme_—I'm glad there is another uber-not great French student out there. I don't know if there is another story with this name, if there is, I haven't seen it. I think, though, there might be an author with Quixotic for a penname.

_Fantasy Loremaster_—Thank you for the review. Gambit will defiantly be in this story; there can't be an x-men story without him! Sorry though, I can't guarantee that it will be a RougexGambit romance. My muse takes me where it wants the story to go, and I love a few different parings.

_N.M.C.L_—I'm going to try and update this story every week, hopefully. Thanks for the review!

_angw_—nope, no just-one-chapter story for me. This story will, most likely, be over thirty chapters long. I can't tell exactly when I'll update it, because school is starting up again for me next week. Thanks for your review!

_ishandahalf_—I don't know if I can be _quite_ as fast as a bunny on crack, but damnit! I'll try.

_X-Storm_—Thanks for the review. I'll try not to suck…lol

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**Next Chapter:**

Rogue is finally reunited with her old teammates, and some are more pleased about her return than others...will the confrontations be too much for her to take? And how will a run-in with her old friend/enemy Pietro affect the situation?

R&R-- Any comments as how to make the story better are welcome!


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